Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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