her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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