my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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