i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
