all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Houston, we have a blender
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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