She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize