We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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