I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
