so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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