He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
