You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
