it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
