I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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