no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
