There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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