This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
