I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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