I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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