I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
