guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize