do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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