so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there was a trapeze. enough said
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
