She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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