She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
