Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
