Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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