I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
