No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
