i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
