Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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