rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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