No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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