How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize