so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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