I cockslap morals
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
