Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
