I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
