I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
