She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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