I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
