I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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