i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
