No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
