would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
