if you like me you must not know who I am
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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