i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
