Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
