Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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