Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
