If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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