Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this boner is exhausting
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
