The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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