drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
