Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
