Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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