I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
