fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
smell my finger.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
