no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
