those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
