The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
pray to the hookup gods
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
