Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
