I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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