I'm really into asian looking animals
I cannot find my penis.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
